A'udhu billahi mina sh-shaytaanir-rajeem! Bismillah...

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Talking about death!!

Have you ever been questioned by your preschooler about death? Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself searching for answers?

It happened nearly 4 months ago. Since Liya is now familiar with many of our extended family members and relatives she is inquisitive on researching more. She was learning from J about "who is whose parents" and their conversation went on. She asked who is my momma and my pappa and who is J's momma and his pappa. He answered gently.

The next question came "who is Ummama's (Paternal granny) parents?" J's maternal granny is alive. So he talked about her. Next question, where is Paternal Granny's dad and Paternal Grandpa's parents? Without much though J said: "They are no more..." She paused for a sec then enquired about my grand parents. Only my paternal granny is alive and she lives with my parents. Once again, the word "death" came to the conversation and Liya was totally lost like J never imagined.

Why did they die? How did they die? Will we all die one day? Questions started flowing like a stream and just then J realized the consequence of a single word. She has been scared to the core since then, till today. She immediately asked him "Will Pappa and Momma die one day? If so, Liya will be left alone, right? What will Liya do alone?"

She is yet to hit an age to realize and learn about death and we think stressing too much on such things will bring nothing other than worries in her. So, J said "people die only after they reach older age...so you don't need to worry..." Though it is not truth, but there is no better answer to soothe a little one. Couple of months after this she again asked "Momma will I be alone if you die...? You don't die, okay!" She started dreaming momma die and she left alone with no one around. We have tried our best to make her forget the word but it's not just getting rubbed off from her brain.

On 2nd Oct, Gandhiji's birthday, she learned about Gandhiji in the school and inquired where is he right now to learn that he is no more. This again frightened her. Couple of weeks ago, when we visited home for Eid celebration, to both my MIL and mom she said like this "If my momma and pappa die, I won't come here. I will go to Diya's (my SIL's) house)" 

Now, we do not use the word Death in front of her unless the sentence is carefully worded.

If you have a kid of her age, be mindful when you talk about death in front of them. They are too small to comprehend and it's not easy to make them understand. 

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